The cute blonde airline hostess who smiled at you three hours ago while pouring your orange juice is totally hot for you, your inner monologue has confirmed.
Her body language suggests 26-year-old airline hostess Cassie Jamieson can’t wait to jump you the second this plane lands.
“Oh yeah, she definitely wants to bone you,” your brain said as she walked past, hips waggling seductively as she pushed her metal trolley down the aisle. “She smiled at you, she called you ‘sir,’ and she even made eye contact with you, dude! It’s not like that’s her job.”
“Remember when she touched you lightly on the shoulder to tell you to stow your tray table in the upright position? That was fucking hot, bro!”
The little voice in your head has reassured you that even though you’re objectively one of the less attractive passengers on this flight, it’s you and you alone who is currently driving Cassie wild with desire.
At the time of publication, The Tragic Traveller had received reports that every other male passenger on the plane was thinking the exact same thing as you.