Little shit too lazy to tell mum he’s fine

Ungrateful little turd Joshua Walker can’t even be bothered to send his mum the occasional message to let her know that he’s safe and well, The Tragic Traveller has learned.

The 22-year-old Australian – who’s been travelling in South America since the start of the year – hasn’t called home in more than two months to ease the concerns of the woman who birthed, fed, raised, and continues to financially support him.

“My asswipe of a son thinks it’s ‘cool’ to go completely off the grid and pretend his family doesn’t exist,” Joshua’s distraught mother Marcia said. “The last I heard from him was a Facebook message that said ‘hitchhiking through cartel country gotta go smell ya l8r.’ I’m pretty sure he was actually just hanging out at a beach resort in Brazil, but he seems to enjoy tormenting me as much as possible, the little shit.”

Marcia knows her son is alive and well, having seen him post inane social media comments like ‘ur sis is lukin dam fine’ and ‘lol i luv those weird hairless cats’ every day of his trip. She was particularly infuriated when one of his friends messaged her saying ‘Josh told me to tell you that he’s alive.’

“Would it be too fucking much for him to send me that message himself??” Marcia said. “Seriously, it’s not that hard to write ‘Hi Mum, I’m in Rio and I’m fine – love Josh’ when you’re constantly connected to Wi-Fi. I mean, I only brought him into this world, raised him single-handedly, and worked round the clock to pay for his private education.”

At the time of publication, Joshua had sent his mum into a fit of apoplectic rage by replying to the message ‘Please please PLEASE tell me where you are and let me know that you’re safe!!!’ with a single thumbs-up emoji.

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