6 things you should totally say at airport security if you think that officer probably has a sense of humour

Going through airport security can be stressful, especially if the word “ethnic” has ever been used to describe your appearance. That’s why we’ve come up with these fun little lines to help you share a smile with that grumpy old security officer while he’s probing your upper colon!

“I’m just exploding with excitement!”

Are you itching to get to Mallorca or is your backpack stuffed with dynamite? That’s for the courts to decide!

“See you in paradise.”

This really walks the line between “I hope you too can visit Thailand one day” and “I’ll be meeting those 72 virgins in about thirty seconds.”

“I know how to bring a plane down.”

This is a completely unambiguous way to let the security officer know that you’re a licensed pilot and you’d be happy to help with the landing if need be.

“I’m a huge fan of 9/11.”

You, like many people, consider the Porsche 911 to be the best-designed car of all time. Why not share that information with this perfectly pleasant officer?

“Barak Allah fik.”

This is Arabic for “God blesses you,” but the security guy doesn’t know that. Make sure you emphasise the “Allah” to really grab his attention.

“I have 8.5 pounds of C4 strapped to my chest and I’m holding a dead man switch.”

He’ll get the joke! Probably.

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