Your bikini selfie only got 13 likes therefore this whole holiday is a disaster

The fact that only 13 people have reacted to the bikini selfie you posted two days ago means this whole trip has been a complete waste of time, your inner voice has confirmed.

The selfie – which shows you pouting sexily on a Cancun beach from an unnaturally high angle – has caused less of a stir on social media than your Auntie Karen’s recent “Pizza time!!!” post, which scored 19 thumbs up and four hearts from her 62 Facebook friends.

“Fucking Miranda got 246 likes when she was here last year, and she’s fat!” your conscience reminded you. “This is clearly just a shitty place,” it added, referring to the golden-sand beach whose crystal-clear waters you were enjoying for the first nine days of your vacation. “I can’t believe we wasted all that money coming here.”

Despite the fact that you posted the picture at prime time on a Sunday evening, you haven’t even received a single “OMG ur so HAAAWT babez!” from any of your gurlz.

“The only comment it got was ‘Ive been there’ from Mum’s friend Trisha FFS!” the voice in your head screamed.

“Not even Sleazy Pete from the office bothered to give it an eggplant emoji.”

“Three of the reactions were angry faces,” added the voice. “Who the fuck gets angry at a bikini selfie?!”

At the time of publication, your brain had assured you that it’s not because you’re ugly, it’s just that everybody hates you.