Despite its delicious home-cooked food, traditional decorations, and breathtaking panoramas of Mount Everest, Sagamartha Guesthouse in the upper Himalayas will only be receiving a three-star review from Jorgen Pedersen thanks to its “clunky-ass Wi-Fi connection.”
Having trekked for 10 days to reach the family-run guesthouse, Norwegian Insta-influencer Pedersen was reportedly livid that he wasn’t able to share his video of an eagle soaring past nearby peaks with his thousands of followers.
“What’s the fucking point!” an irate Pedersen screamed at The Tragic Traveller over a crackly mobile connection. “That video was a guaranteed 5,000-liker, but at this rate it’ll be a week before I can post it thanks to these backward Nepalese freaks and their allergy to proper internet.”
“My account has already been inactive for six days,” he added. “By the time I get back to civilisation I bet god_morgen_jorgen won’t have a single follower left. Fuck.”
Pedersen expressed his concerns that the guesthouse – which is eight days’ walk from the nearest road and relies on a wood furnace for both heating and cooking – “needs to get its ass into gear and come join the rest of us in the 21st fucking century!”
“Yes, I might be surrounded by one of the most beautiful and serene landscapes this planet has to offer, but that’s worth exactly fuck all if I can’t share that landscape with 27,589 strangers on the internet,” he added.
Guesthouse owner Tenzing Sherpa was unavailable for comment on the Wi-Fi debacle; he was out herding yaks through a nearby mountain pass, as his ancestors have done for the past 300 years.