6 ways to spend the night when you’re broke AF

Travelling on a budget is an art form. With the right outlook, you can turn your abject poverty into the trip of a lifetime!

Here are a few ideas to help you have an enjoyable night out without having to dig deep into the fanny pack.

Latch onto a buck’s party or hen’s night and flirt shamelessly with its second most attractive member

This is a foolproof way to have a great night without having to open your wallet once. Why? Because these events are usually prepaid. Even if they’re not, the best man or maid of honour will probably be in such a good mood that it’s their shout anyway. Remember not to blow your cover by going for the hottest member of the group; the next most attractive will arouse less suspicion and is undoubtedly wasted enough to hook up with you, regardless of your personality or looks.

Pretend to be a busboy at a crowded club

Why pay for your own drinks when you can finish everybody else’s? By acting like a busboy, you can sneak a whole bunch of half-finished drinks off the table and into your gaping maw. Just remember to target the drunkies who don’t have a clue where they left their glass. If you do a good enough job, you might accidentally get paid.

Stand outside a restaurant and stare longingly at the happy family inside

This is more of a mind game than anything else. By gazing intensely at an ordinary family enjoying their Friday night meal, you can pretend you’re at home surrounded by loved ones, instead of being out in the cold in a strange city halfway around the world. If you’re lucky, the pitying family will give you their doggy bag of leftovers on their way out.

Take a cheap bottle of spirits to a park

Hobos do this all the time, so it must be fun! Simply dress up in your warmest clothes, buy the cheapest, nastiest bottle of booze you can find, and settle in for a pleasant night of muttering to yourself while slumped against a tree. Remember, the more you drink, the more comfortable your night under that park bench will be!

Go paratrooping

You might not have two coins to rub together or a roof over your head, but those singletons at the bar sure do! If you’re willing to lower your standards enough, you’re bound to find someone who’ll not only pay for your drinks all night, but will also give you a place to stay in exchange for a few minutes of horizontal hammer time.

Get arrested for a minor crime

Looking for a free bed and a hot meal tonight? Why not try prison! A prison cell is pretty much the same as a hostel room, except with better ventilation and without the obligatory hippie murdering Bob Dylan on his guitar. Of course, it can be tricky to work out what kind of crime will earn you exactly one night in the lock-up. Just remember, murder is too much and jaywalking isn’t enough.