Bestjet to customers: “Tough titties, we’re keeping your money”

Failed booking portal Bestjet has told angry customers to “fuck right off” after leaving them in limbo, clarifying that “none of you dickheads will get a single cent out of us.”

The online travel agent caused chaos in the Australian travel industry after going into voluntary administration in December. Since then, thousands of customers have had their bookings cancelled without receiving their money back.

Many of the company’s executives have disappeared, sparking panic among those passengers left stranded. However, The Tragic Traveller managed to contact a Bestjet spokesperson for comment.

The anonymous spokesperson said the company was legally protected by a “tough titties” clause. This, he said, allows them to do “pretty much whatever the fuck we want with your money.”

“Under clause 13 C of the Bestjet user agreement, we have no obligation to provide your flight tickets once we’ve taken your money,” the representative said with a laugh.

You daft pricks all clicked ‘I Agree’ when you bought your tickets. That means youse are all up shit creek right about now.”

According to this ‘tough titties’ clause, Bestjet gives itself the right to “piss off with your hard-earned” at any time. The Tragic Traveller‘s legal team has read the contract and can confirm that it’s watertight. Customers will only be eligible to receive their refund “when Hell freezes over.”

“I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise to any affected customers,” the spokesperson said. “It was never our intention to fuck up your holiday. We were actually planning to skim your credit card details and sell them to cybercriminals. However, I’m sad to say that in the end we had to scam you the old-fashioned way.

At the time of publication, the website had processed one final transaction: a one-way ticket to Mexico for Bestjet’s CEO.