Man jetlags himself into regular sleeping pattern

A man with an “utterly fucked” sleep-wake cycle has jetlagged himself into a regular sleeping pattern.

Nicholas Johnson-Winkerberg – a 29-year-old from Melbourne – was so exhausted after his recent 24-hour flight home that he actually managed to fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Since then, he’s broken his long-standing habit of going to bed at 4:30 am and waking up at 11:45.

“I had actually forgotten what the morning looked like,” Johnson-Winkerberg told The Tragic Traveller. “But now, thanks to jetlag, I’m functioning like a normal human being. It’s brilliant!”

For the first time in years I’m going to sleep at 10 pm and waking up at 6:30 am. And I couldn’t have done it without spending 24 hours flying across the ocean in a magical Coke can full of farts!

Since tricking his body clock into a regular sleeping pattern, Johnson-Winkerberg has reported feeling more energetic, happier, and less like a lazy piece of shit. He’s also become annoyingly positive about pretty much everything.

“Over the past four days I’ve gained a whole new lease on life,” he said. “Waking up to the sunrise and the sound of the birds singing? I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!”

The Tragic Traveller can confirm that, at the time of publication, Johnson-Winkerberg was about to ruin everything by going down to the pub and drinking pints of Carlton Draught until 3:30 in the morning.

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