“Blockchain-based travel app sounds like a great idea!” says no one, ever

The world has reacted with a collective groan at the launch of another “revolutionary” blockchain-based travel app.

Traveledger allows travellers to trade cryptocurrencies and share their personal data with each other for no reason whatsoever. It promises to “bring the power of blockchain to the tourism industry,” despite the fact that nobody asked for it.

“We’re harnessing the amazing capabilities of the distributed ledger to change the way people travel,” said Traveledger CEO Amit Wankhede, whose entire business model relies on putting the word “blockchain” next to a concept most people enjoy.

“I could not give one fuck,” said literally every person The Tragic Traveller interviewed about the new app.

Honestly, I just want to go to Thailand and drink mojitos on the beach. I don’t give two shits if I disrupt or decentralise anything on the way.

Traveledger’s pointless services include allowing users to pay with TravCoin, a crypto token whose price is so volatile that no business owner in their right mind would ever accept it. The app also provides “peer-to-peer connections” between travellers and literally tens of vaguely travel-related companies around the world.

“Security, scalability, transparency? I don’t care,” was the typical response from everybody about Traveledger’s favourite buzzwords. “If this app can secure my hotel room, scale it to 10 times its current size, and fix the transparency issues with my bathroom window, then I’m interested. Otherwise it can fuck right off.”

The Tragic Traveller has learnt that six people bothered to download the blockchain-based travel app in its first week. Of those, four used Traveledger to send Mr Wankhede a 100% secure, lightning-fast, infinitely scalable picture of their dick.

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