More than 3% of the world’s population actually think today is Christmas, The Tragic Traveller can confirm.
Around 270 million Orthodox Christians across Eastern Europe are for some reason celebrating the birth of Christ 13 days late, with countries such as Russia, Serbia, and Ukraine all taking part in the embarrassing mistake.
Religious scholar Preethi Patel told The Tragic Traveller the countries had got the date wrong centuries ago and were too self-conscious to correct their error.
“Yeah, pretty much the whole of Eastern Europe fucked up Christmas like 450 years ago,” Patel said. “Now they celebrate it on 7 January, which is obviously mental.”
Patel said the difference in date could have something to do with the region’s renowned drinking culture.
“Historians think this change of date took place in 1572,” she said. “We have reason to believe the entire Russian upper class was blind drunk celebrating their victory in the Russo-Crimean Wars. It looks like they started drinking around the winter solstice (21 December) and just plain forgot about Christmas.”
It wasn’t until early January that these loose units finally sobered up. Then they were like ‘Oh fuck, Christmas!'”
Orthodox Christians’ other weird Christmas habits include actually going to church, a tradition that died out centuries ago in the West.