270 million people actually think today is Christmas

More than 3% of the world’s population actually think today is Christmas, The Tragic Traveller can confirm.

Around 270 million Orthodox Christians across Eastern Europe are for some reason celebrating the birth of Christ 13 days late, with countries such as Russia, Serbia, and Ukraine all taking part in the embarrassing mistake.

Religious scholar Preethi Patel told The Tragic Traveller the countries had got the date wrong centuries ago and were too self-conscious to correct their error.

“Yeah, pretty much the whole of Eastern Europe fucked up Christmas like 450 years ago,” Patel said. “Now they celebrate it on 7 January, which is obviously mental.”

Patel said the difference in date could have something to do with the region’s renowned drinking culture.

“Historians think this change of date took place in 1572,” she said. “We have reason to believe the entire Russian upper class was blind drunk celebrating their victory in the Russo-Crimean Wars. It looks like they started drinking around the winter solstice (21 December) and just plain forgot about Christmas.”

It wasn’t until early January that these loose units finally sobered up. Then they were like ‘Oh fuck, Christmas!'”

Orthodox Christians’ other weird Christmas habits include actually going to church, a tradition that died out centuries ago in the West.

6 thoughts on “270 million people actually think today is Christmas

  • January 7, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    don’t disrespect us

  • January 7, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    What a degrading and stupid article.

    • January 8, 2019 at 1:24 pm

      If you look at the About section below, you might find an interesting part that says:

      “The Tragic Traveller is the world’s most respected – albeit only – source of travel-based satire. Almost everything you’ve seen on this site is completely made up and, frankly, you’re a fool if you believe a word of it.”

      Do you feel stupid now?

      • January 12, 2019 at 7:10 am

        No, I don’t. Because this is not a satire. I undertand the intention and I’ve seen other arricles on this website before this one, but this time, it just didn’t work.
        Also.. there is no hate here. People are just being offended, because of the way it is written. There is a poor level of sarcasm and it’s not even close to a satire. If you want to laugh at someone, make sure that that someone is laughing too.
        But I have to admit one thing, this was a good clickbait 👌

  • January 8, 2019 at 1:20 pm

    If any of you haters at any time thought that this is not a satirical article, and in the spirit of EVERY other article on this website, than you are a stupid excuse of a human being. Or to break it to you in my native language: “Glupi ste bre ko kurac”, pardon my French.


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