That attractive colleague you have the hots for couldn’t give two fucks about your recent vacation, sources have confirmed.
Several eyewitnesses have told The Tragic Traveller that Cindy from Marketing looked beyond bored this morning as you tried to impress her with tales from your “South American aventura.”
“Oh no, he bombed hard,” said Gareth from Accounts. “I’ve never seen Cindy look so desperate to get back to her desk. She made up a fake meeting with a manager who doesn’t exist just to get out of there.”
Another colleague, who asked to remain anonymous, revealed that Cindy surreptitiously sent her a text pleading for help, referring to you as “the creepy llama guy from IT.”
“Cindy’s a good-looking woman; she’s heard every pick-up line under the sun,” the colleague said. “She’s not going to let one picture of Christ the Redeemer fool her into thinking the guy who took it has a personality.”
Despite the fact that you’ve now conquered Machu Picchu and learned to dance the tango, you appear further than ever from that magical first date with Cindy. However, the trip mightn’t have been a complete waste; that cute girl from the coffee shop liked your Instagram pic of Iguazu Falls, which obviously means she’s into you.