Dutch backpacker doesn’t give a fuck about Aussie rules football

Dutch backpacker Mieke van Hernan has shocked her Australian hosts by admitting that she really couldn’t give a flying fuck about their stupid national sport.

van Hernan broke the news to her host family, the Donnisons, after spending the entire weekend in front of the TV watching scantily clad beefheads crashing into each other and trying to kick a funny-shaped ball between two sticks.

“I’m really sorry to hurt their feelings. But I just couldn’t bear another second watching the Essingdon Boomers and the Western Bullfrogs running around that stupid ground and hitting each other for no reason,” van Hernan told The Tragic Traveller.

“If you want to see skilled players kicking a ball, watch soccer. If you want to see unreasonably large men beating each other up, watch a boxing match. When you combine the two, you end up with this ridiculous shit.”

Angus Donnison told The Tragic Traveller he was dumbstruck that his houseguest felt so hostile towards “the best bloody sport in the world.”

“Mate, I dunno what to tell you – I’m fair dinkum gobsmacked,” Donnison said. “Mieke told us she wanted to experience some local Aussie culture so we took her to a footy match.”

We’re a white, middle class, English-heritage Australian family. This is literally all the culture we’ve got.

van Hernan was later seen swigging bourbon straight from the bottle while Donnison tried to explain the ruck nomination rule to her.

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