According to reports, tone-deaf Israeli traveller Adam Malka is completely unaware that he sucks at guitar and can’t sing. Despite his obvious lack of ability, the hippie has been confidently ‘entertaining’ his fellow guests for 45 minutes.
“Christ on crutches, will this guy ever shut up??” asked one frustrated guest. “I listened to eight whole minutes of off-key ‘Stairway to Heaven,’ and now he’s spitting on Bob Marley’s legacy with this shit. I swear, I’m one jangling chord away from strangling the bloke.”
Can I not just check my Instagram in peace?
Witnesses reported that Malka had seized the hostel’s communal guitar nearly an hour ago without asking. He then began playing ‘Wonderwall’ far too loudly, before “spreading the loving vibes” with a harrowing performance of ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon.
At publication time, guests had forcefully tackled Malka to the ground to stop him from singing what would surely have been a catastrophic rendition of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’