Backpacker can’t squander his white male privilege no matter how much he fucks up

Despite countless attempts to completely fuck up his own life, 27-year-old backpacker Davis Dorrington-Willsborough still hasn’t managed to squander his white male privilege.

Even though he’s spent the past four years frittering away tens of thousands of his parents’ hard-earned pounds on drugs, alcohol, and flights to all corners of the globe, the British backpacker still somehow has good career prospects and enough money put aside for a deposit on a house.

“Yeah, I’m quite surprised at how positive my outlook is, all things considered,” Dorrington-Willsborough told The Tragic Traveller. “I seem to make more money than I can spend, even when I’m travelling haha. I guess that share portfolio my parents set up 10 years ago has been doing pretty well.”

The dividends are enough to travel on, plus I get a bit of pocket money from my folks.

Dorrington-Willsborough said his parents, who are both senior lawyers, had managed to bail him out on the numerous occasions he’d encountered legal problems abroad. And despite never having had a real job, the backpacker said he gets lucrative offers to teach English in every country he visits thanks to his white male privilege.

“I like to keep my options open,” said Dorrington-Willsborough, whose toughest ever life decision was whether to stay with his model girlfriend or dump her to go travelling with his “side piece.”

“If I want to stay in Asia, I’ll just pick up a teaching gig for five thousand bucks a month. And if I decide to head home, my folks will set me up with a cushy part-time job at the firm.”

“Honestly, I thought the only way I could fuck my life up would be by getting addicted to drugs in a foreign country. But I’ve already done that and I still have loads of money. So I guess all I have to worry about is overdosing or getting kidnapped haha.”

A few hours after the interview, witnesses spotted Dorrington-Willsborough leaving a 1.5% tip at the fancy Tokyo restaurant where he’d just enjoyed a four-course meal.