Former hostel worker really rinsing out those three years in Budapest on her CV

An American traveller is in a better position than most to enter the workforce after spinning her 36-month-long gap year to her advantage.

Despite ostensibly wasting three years in a work-for-accommodation job in Budapest, 27-year-old Linda Greenwoulde has used the experience to sell herself as an up-and-coming go-getter.

What Greenwoulde didn’t include in her resume was that her experience was less like The Grand Budapest Hotel and more like every party scene from The Wolf of Wall Street combined with every sex scene from The Wolf of Wall Street. In fact, her only lasting achievements were reaching triple figures in bed notches and learning how to do the fabled three-second vodka chug.

“I developed excellent problem-solving skills,” Greenwoulde wrote on her CV, referring to the time someone vomited on the front step and she sort of cleaned it up a few hours later. “I also worked long hours to meet deadlines,” she added, referencing her side gig as a pub crawl guide, which started at 8 pm and ended whenever she passed out in Instant, a popular ruin pub. “Most importantly, I gained a lot of experience servicing customers, if you get what I’m saying,” she finished, underlining the words “a lot” three times.

Working for accommodation in hostels is a common way for travelers to extend their stay in spite of low funds and loan refusals from the Bank of Mum and Dad. For some, it is a rich cultural experience that allows them to spend a little longer in their favourite city. For others, it is an opportunity to become a pisshead of legendary proportions.

Linda fell into the gig when she woke up in the staff dorm on her third night, and everyone just assumed she worked there from then on. During the three years she spent in Europe, she only visited a couple of other cities, largely because she was always far too hungover to get on a bus.

A reporter from The Tragic Traveller contacted one of the hiring managers who had read Linda’s resume.

“We’re glad Linda has used her time in Europe constructively,” said Peter Nomtgonery, an office drone for Herbert-Snrub Sales Solutions. “I’m especially impressed that she managed to learn Hungarian,” he added, referring to the mixture of swear words and basic taxi directions she picked up via osmosis. “It’s a bit weird that she spent such a long time in hospitality after graduating from law school, but whatever.”

Linda is desperate to work again, and with good reason. “Basically I can’t go back to Europe for five years, because apparently working there without a permit is super illegal. Which is dumb. I didn’t even get paid in money so it’s not even a job,” she told The Tragic Traveller while wearing her weathered BUDAFCKNPEST top. “So I desperately need to save up money for tickets to somewhere with cheap booze, because I’m not staying in fucking Idaho.”

“Has anyone here tried Unicum?”