Hostel’s 9 am check-out policy isn’t fooling anyone

A Singaporean hostel’s 9 am check-out policy is being taken seriously by approximately 0% of guests, The Tragic Traveller can confirm.

Having tightened its check-out policy three months ago, the Wandering Eye hostel has quickly become a laughing stock among travellers. Not a single backpacker The Tragic Traveller spoke to was the slightest bit concerned about the threat of having to pay for an extra night if they don’t vacate their room by 9 am.

“Fat fucking chance,” one guest said of the policy. “If they want me out of here before midday they can drag my unconscious body out themselves.”

Another guest told The Tragic Traveller they’d sooner “fly Malaysia Airlines to Syria with a drunken pilot” than adhere to the 9 am check-out policy.

“Mate, I had 23 standard drinks last night. I was out til 8 in the morning. I haven’t gone to sleep yet and I’m still drunk as a fucking skunk. Those bastards aren’t shifting me ’til at least 4 pm, and they’re not getting a single Singaporean cent out of me.”

At publication time (9:01 am), an irate receptionist had just released a bug bomb in Dorm 3 to “get those lazy assholes out of this fucking hostel.”