Hostel guest packing bag at 5 am could not be any fucking louder if he tried

Thanks to all international flights, by law, departing at the most awkward times of day possible, Canadian national Pierre, 29, needed to get going – and quick. Having failed to pack his bags the night before like a reasonable person, he decided to treat the room to a blow-by-blow account of his predicament at 5 am this morning.

“Hmm,” he wondered out loud. “Where are my boxers?”

Pierre, now deeply invested in finding the easily replaceable $2 item of clothing, turned on his phone’s flashlight. This was somehow even brighter than actually turning on the lights. He then reportedly climbed up to his top bunk, taking extra care to make the bed frame squeak with every step.

“There they are,” he said, picking up someone else’s underwear and putting them in his own bag, which for some reason he had to unzip six times. Pierre then slammed shut his locker with incredible force, triggering an amber alert at a nearby earthquake warning station.

A woken roommate estimated Pierre’s packing to be at a volume of 200 dB, louder than the mating call of the humpback whale. Several victims of Pierre’s early check-out later reported symptoms of tinnitus.

“Oh shit, people are sleeping,” he then said in a whisper that was the exact same volume as his normal voice.

Pierre then left the scene with his luggage, slowly opening and closing the door as to not make any noise, but also blinding all his now completely awake roommates with light from the corridor. He then re-entered the room, slamming the door behind him. “Whoops, forgot something. Sorry.”

A reporter from The Tragic Traveller arrived at the scene just in time to see Pierre pick up a plastic bag and rustle it around for no particular reason before leaving again.