Crippling existential crisis solved by booze-fuelled Phuket holiday

A man who has spent almost all his life grappling with the torment of his own existence has banished his spiritual demons by going on a fucken’ sick 10-day bender in Phuket.

For 30-something Australian Dazza, the cumulative existential dread of a troubled youth and a career that has failed to live up to expectations was no match for a boozy week and a half on the popular Thai island. Dazza said that by drinking, sniffing, or fornicating with everything and everyone in Phuket he had binged away all his sadness.

“I’ve spent my entire adult life over-compensating for my scars by working too hard and chasing after emotionally unavailable women,” Dazza told The Tragic Traveller.

Turns out all I needed to do was fly Thailand, drink until my brain shut down completely, and sleep with anyone whose standards were low enough for me. Now I feel fucking great!

Despite his therapist’s warning that the road to emotional recovery would be long and arduous, Dazza said his shortcut to satisfaction had proven a complete success.

“Instead of trying to resolve the myriad complex life issues that had been causing me unspeakable anguish over the past two decades, I just bought a return ticket to Phuket and got hammered on Chang for 10 days. That sorted me right out.”

“I used to wonder why I even existed. Now I’ve discovered that my purpose in life is to get drunk and sleep with British backpackers. It’s a revelation!”