Friends on annual getaway reminisce about last year’s trip when they murdered that hobo

Five best buds on their annual group holiday have had a grand old time reminiscing about when Sally lost her passport in Dublin, Jeremy’s unfortunate encounter with a snake in Vietnam, and the time they brutally murdered that hobo in Detroit.

For nearly a decade, the “Fab Five” have travelled together to a different city each year. These group getaways are all about catching up with old school friends, relaxing, and satiating Satan’s carnal lust by sacrificing an innocent victim on the night of the summer solstice.

During the most recent trip to Geneva, the quintet reflected on some of their wackiest exploits over the years. After chuckling about getting lost in the labyrinthine streets of Mumbai and tango dancing on the beach in Buenos Aires, the conversation quickly turned to last year’s kill.

“Oh my god, Tess, the look on your face when I slit that tramp’s throat open and the blood started gushing out!” said Gavin with a hearty laugh. “You couldn’t believe we killed him right there on the street. I know we were supposed to take him back to the murder den we’d prepared. But come on, we were in Detroit. Pretty much every street in that city is soaked in blood already!”

Anyway, I’ll admit lugging the corpse out to the forest was pretty stressful. And I could’ve used a bit of help from you lot digging the grave!

“It was absolute murder on my back,” he added with a wink.

“You’re such a dork, Gav!” Tess responded, giving him a playful clip across the head. “I was just in a bad mood because you murdered that hobo even though you said you’d let me do it. It’s been six years since I got to do the dirty work!”

“Where was that?” chimed in a grinning Murray, who’s job is to burn the fingerprints off with acid and dig out the eyeballs with a spoon. “Oh yeah, I remember! We had the most marvellous day exploring the pyramids in Giza. Then, after that unforgettable sunset, you lured our taxi driver back up to your hotel room. All five of us tied him to the bed, then you cut his still-beating heart out of his chest and ate it in front of him as he took his final breaths. Classic!”

At publication time, the pals had struck up a friendly conversation with an oblivious Brazilian tourist whose soul would be sure to appease the Dark Lord for another year.

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