FARM WORK BREAKING NEWS: That dickhead is picking your row again

Experts have made an alarming discovery at at a blueberry farm just 150 km from Coffs Harbour. They report that some dickhead has cut in front of you and started picking your berries for the third time this week, the prick.

Thanks to the piece-rate system, where backpackers on contract are paid by the amount of fruit they pick rather than hours of work, it is commonplace for individual workers to become territorial over their rows of fruit. Anyone who steals fruit from their row is essentially taking money out of their pocket. While it is considered fair game for a picker with no more fruit left to move on to the end of a slower picker’s row, this dickhead is really starting to take the piss with his bullshit.

Many recall that time last week when he was in the row opposite and picked berries that were obviously on your side of the bush, and that other time he just strip-picked all of the berries so there was no ripe fruit left when you had to do that row next week. Irish Jenny, from the dorm next door to you, said he starting picking her row too. That was only 20 minutes into the working day, a story Regular Jenny (who is also Irish) has corroborated.

Sources have confirmed the dickhead is from Norway or one of those other smart-ass Nordic countries with functioning welfare systems. As such, he should totally understand when you tell him in English to fuck off and finish his own row first. However the dickhead just smiles and says “Haha, no need to be so stressed, this is a holiday man!” every time, despite the fact that he clearly knows that on $2 a kilo it really is a dog move to take someone’s berries then laugh about it.

Attempts to appeal to the authorities have failed, with orchard supervisor and farm owner’s brother-in-law Marko responding to the crisis by calling you a “fuckwit” and suggesting that you let him have his smoko in peace.

Current reports suggest that there is a growing risk of that dickhead getting a talking-to back at the hostel if he doesn’t get his act together.

More on this story as it develops.