A 45-year-old Slough man, Hugh Jaynus, is proving that the tourism industry isn’t just a young man’s game. In just a matter of weeks, Jaynus has gone from living under a bus shelter and shouting abuse at strangers to DJing boat cruises for 18-30s in the notorious Spanish resort town of Magaluf.
Jaynus was discovered by chance by a TUI recruiter when he was drinking hard liquor next to a post office. He was shouting lewd comments at young women and pointing out people’s physical flaws, which naturally made him a perfect fit for a DJing gig on a Magaluf party boat.
“Look at this prick in the red shirt. You look like a yam,” shouted the man with an undiagnosed personality disorder through his microphone to a crowd of pissed northerners.
“Oi slag, take your top off,” he then screamed at one of the girls, which is totally acceptable in Magaluf. After hearing something he didn’t like in the crowd, Hugh then threw a glass bottle at the heckler’s head. According to the alpha males on a Magaluf party boat, this is absolute banter.
Nobody is really sure why Mediterranean party resorts insist on hiring people with a fetish for bullying total strangers to be their boat DJ. Unlike most holiday destinations, in the dirty Med it’s standard to cop abuse from a cokehead in a gym singlet whose boat you paid €20 to drink on. But Jaynus has proven that being paid to be an unpleasant weirdo isn’t just for blokes from Hackney with 60 followers on SoundCloud.
“Hugh has really taken the plunge. He’s probably the best booze cruise DJ we’ve ever had,” said Lisa Fallyson, event manager at Shagaluf Boat Parties.
“I’ve never seen someone so talented at belittling tourists. All he needed was an environment where making people feel uncomfortable and self-conscious in front of a large crowd made him a total legend. He’s thriving.”
“If he does well this season, he could be playing in Barcelona, Tenerife, or even at a strip club in Thailand next summer.”
The Tragic Traveller asked Jaynus for comment. In lieu of a response, he spat on our reporter, then played another below-average tropical house track.