Eleven very dusty British lads on a European cricket tour yesterday enjoyed a moment of spiritual ecstasy as torrential rain washed out their Sunday match, allowing them to return to the pub for a fourth consecutive afternoon session.
After a heavy night out on Vilnius town, the bleary-eyed boys awoke around midday on Sunday dreading the thought of taking to the field at 2 pm. However, as the heavens opened up and the rain began to pour, despair quickly turned to faith in the divine.
Huddled around their captain, the lads waited nervously for confirmation of the washout from the opposition skipper. Finally, at 1:15 pm, the glorious text message arrived.
“Hallelujah, it’s a washout!” the captain shouted with an elated grin. “Back to the pub, boys!”
A middle-aged man wearing shaded glasses – known only as the Dark Horse – wept with joy upon receiving the news he wouldn’t have to back up yesterday’s duck with another suspect performance up the top of the order.
“This truly is a miracle,” he muttered, his mouth still dry after last night’s antics. “Fuck cricket – give me some hair of the dog and take me to the promised land, O Lord divine!”
Witnesses had earlier spotted the Dark Horse partying ‘til 10 am, mere hours before Sunday’s match was scheduled to begin. Despite having missed his usual Sunday morning church service, the Dark Horse had paid tribute to his lord and saviour by cutting some heavenly shapes on the dancefloor.
Sources confirmed that the lads were planning to go to Thailand during the wet season for next year’s cricket tour, so as to guarantee they wouldn’t have to spend a single second even thinking about cricket.