Surfer at party hostel somehow out and about before 9 am

Residents and other vagrants at the Big Z Beachside Party Hostel in Portugal have been shocked to discover that a travelling surfer – Gold Coast native Shanice Buntley – is somehow awake and lucid before midday after a particularly hectic Monday night out.

“You’re going out for a surf, Shanice?” one absolute wreck of a human being asked Buntley, having spotted her in her spring suit.

“Yeah nah, ahah, actually just coming back,” Buntley replied. “I’ve been up since five.”

This would be alarming news to everyone who was with Buntley the night before. According to our sources, the woman got so tequila-drunk that she aggressively demanded passersby break bar stools over her forehead.

“Oh, are you hungover at all?” the morning receptionist asked while partially collapsed over a table, having only returned home as Buntley was leaving.

“I feel a bit rusty,” Buntley lied, “but the wind is only offshore in the morning so I had to go, ahah.”

Due to her shameless addiction to a sport which takes about 10 years of regular practice to be even passable at, Buntley has doomed herself to a life of sunrise starts – even after a heavy night of backpacker ridiculousness – in order to get even a minute of ride time.

However, this must be balanced with the rampant alcoholism endemic at the sort of places she can afford to stay. The result is a constant cycle of passing out at 2 am, scraping herself out of bed before first light, doing intense physical exercise for three hours, then getting on the piss about lunchtime.

“Any good this morning?” asked her roomie, who suffered through Buntley’s six alarms – all labeled ‘get in the water cunt’ on her phone.

“Yeah it was sick. Didn’t score any barrels but got a few decent rides.”

The Tragic Traveller’s correspondent followed up, cornering Buntley at a supermarket as she downed a Powerade.

“It was awful,” she admitted to our reporter. “All I did was get caught inside and get washed around until I threw up over my rental board. My head felt so bad I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I drowned. Why the fuck did I do that?”

“Fuck me, I probably ended up on Kook of the Day. Still stoked to go out tomorrow, hey.”