The Australian Medical Association has warned British tourists in Australia that they’re vulnerable to fourth-degree burns if they continue parading their pasty white asses around the place without putting any fucking sunscreen on.
After a recent study found a 100% correlation between looking like a lobster with manboobs and coming from a country that doesn’t know what summer is, the AMA decided to upgrade the severity of burns categories to include a fourth degree.
“By changing how we think about sunburn, we’re hoping to slip slop slap some sense into these idiots,” one angry dermatologist told The Tragic Traveller. “We want them to know that, yes, looking like a bright red twat is worse than burning yourself in a factory fire.”
You have to be fourth-degree stupid to go out under the Australian sun without protection.
The dermatologist added that in spite of the cooler June weather, British tourists in Australia were continuing to fry themselves in record numbers.
“These dickheads are so translucent that they’re managing to get sunburnt in the middle of winter,” he said. “After five pints of Toohey’s and some nose candy, they become completely impervious to the cold. Next thing you know, you’ve got thousands of deep-fried chavs swarming all over Bondi Beach like it’s not 12 degrees.”
The Tragic Traveller attempted to interview a British backpacker about the new classification. However, he was so heavily sunburnt and hungover from the night before that he couldn’t utter a coherent sentence.