Pilot who downed two bottles of voddy last night cures hangover with large coffee from airport Macca’s

An absolute mad dog of a pilot is about to take to the skies despite still having enough vodka in his system to put a baby elephant to sleep. His secret? A large Americano from the McDonald’s at Melbourne Airport.

Australian pilot Greg Larikinzis partied hard last night, despite knowing he’d have to make the 15-hour flight to Dubai this morning. He’d received an invitation from some air stewardesses to a penthouse party at the Hilton. As an old-school baller, the 41-year-old couldn’t turn the proposition down.

“Yeah, nah, feelin’ a bit rusty this morning,” Larikinzis told The Tragic Traveller. “The head was still spinning when I woke up in the jacuzzi with those two blondes from United Airlines. But that Macca’s coffee has sorted me right out. Should be good to fly in about half an hour haha.”

Asked if he was concerned about the alcohol still in his system, Larikinzis just laughed.

“Haha, there’s no booze buses up in the air mate!” he said. “Anyway, my co-pilot owes me one from that time he shelved three pingas before a flight to LA. I’m gunna knock back a few Gatorades and let Gary do all the work. She’ll be right.”

Shortly before publication, witnesses spotted an air hostess bringing a suspicious number of vomit bags into the cockpit of the Airbus A380.