“FUCK OFF, TOURISTS!” screams crusty old local surfing at most famous beach in the world
A leathery old local surfer native to Hawaii turned some heads today as he poured on the heat at some day-trippers choosing to surf at his beloved Waikiki Beach. “Go home, kook!” he yelled at someone with dreadlocks, who had committed some kind of obscure local faux pas.
Owen Reitdler, 45, has ridden at Waikiki since he was seven, and has always considered it his turf. Nearly 40 years later, he is dismayed at the year-round tourist trap it has become. This is despite the fact that Waikiki had just as many tourists during his childhood as it has now. He now spends most of his time on dry land starting fights with people who drop in on him and smearing wax over the windscreens of rental cars.
“I need to protect our turf. These tourists are coming over here, stealing our waves! Generations of outsiders come to Hawaii to change it for the worse, and the tourist kooks are just the newest, bro,” he told The Tragic Traveller‘s reporter in the lineup. While his anti-colonialist sentiment was stirring, it would’ve worked better if it were about somewhere other than the best-known beach on planet Earth.
Even though he lives within driving distance of plenty of secluded, world-class surf breaks around Oahu, the surfer still goes to Waikiki every day for the sole purpose of getting burned by Midwesterners who have done three surf sessions their entire lives. He is one of many aggressive locals surfing at ultra-crowded breaks like Malibu, Bondi, and Waikiki who are extremely skilled, yet still only ride beginner breaks for some reason.
Fucking kooks. I live here!
“Show some respect!” he then shouted at someone as he snaked another beginner surfer.
Despite the fact most tourists don’t know how to surf for shit, Owen seems to get some masochistic pleasure from surfing at beaches where holidaymakers flock in their thousands. In fact, it’s obvious Owen enjoys being the biggest bully in the kiddie pool more than the sport itself.
The Tragic Traveller asked a psychologist to comment on Owen’s behaviour. According to the expert, the bitter old local displays classic symptoms of a condition known as “being a cunt.”
One of the victims of Owen’s abuse seemed pretty chill about the whole situation. “He was shouting at me? Nah man, I wasn’t doing anything wrong,” said the Coloradan, who was wearing booties on a 27°C sand beach. “That guy needs to chill out and hang 10, bro.” He then did a shaka and started paddling for a wave another longboarder was already riding.
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