Having been abroad for more than 140 years, Cricket has finally answered repeated calls from its English parents to come home. The sport, which was born and raised in Britain, had been off wandering the world ever since England lost the first match to Australia way back in 1877.
In possibly the craziest, most exciting sporting event of all time, England beat New Zealand in Sunday’s World Cup final after tying both the regular match and the deciding super over. The victory was somewhat controversially awarded to England on boundary differential after the two sides couldn’t be split.
The result, incredibly, marked England’s first ever World Cup victory, after 12 attempts and three heartbreaking finals losses. As such, Cricket has come home for the first time since its 142-year hiatus began.
“When we sent Cricket off on holiday way back in the 19th century, we thought it would be away for a couple of years at most,” a representative of the nation that invented, nurtured, and was then abandoned by Cricket told The Tragic Traveller. “Turns out our relationship with Cricket, like most other sports we’ve given birthed to over the years, was shit.”
“Recently, though, we’ve managed to patch things up by paying more attention to Cricket,” the Englishman added. “It was touch and go for a while there, but we’re thrilled that after all the last-minute drama, our beloved Cricket is finally coming home to England.”
Sources have confirmed that England is now waiting for Cricket’s younger brother, Football, to come home for the first time since 1966.