Every single staff member on your flight from London to Montreal GOT IT ON last night, investigators have confirmed. Not only did the entire cabin crew bump uglies in an orgy that was five times crazier than anything you could imagine; they also got the pilot involved, the cheeky bastards.
“Oh yeah, those cats boooooooned!” one source told The Tragic Traveller. “Every rumour you’ve ever heard about airline staff is true. These people get paid to travel the world and fuck like rabbits during their spare time.”
According to the source, last night’s orgy was more mind-bending than the crew’s usual bouts of intercontinental group sex. This was thanks primarily to the introduction of a $1,000 magnum of champagne, courtesy of the pilot.
“The pilot has a wife and three kids, so he usually abstains from these ‘team-building exercises,'” the source said. “But last night Gerry was feeling particularly frisky after some top-notch blow, so he decided to shout the cabin crew an obscene amount of champagne and get involved himself.”
“No wonder they’re all in such a good mood this morning.”
Shortly before publication, witnesses had spotted several flight attendants furtively entering the cockpit. Some unexpected turbulence ensued over the following minutes.