Going through airport security can be stressful, especially once the rubber gloves come out. That’s why we’ve come up with a few fun one-liners to help you share a smile with that grumpy old security officer while he probes your upper colon!
“I’m just exploding with excitement!”
Are you itching to get to Mallorca or is your backpack stuffed with dynamite? That’s for the courts to decide!
“See you in paradise.”
This really walks the line between “I hope you too can visit Thailand one day” and “I’ll be meeting those 72 virgins in about 30 seconds.”
“I know how to bring a plane down.”
This is a completely unambiguous way to let the airport security officer know that you’re a licensed pilot and you’d be happy to help with the landing if need be.
“I’m a huge fan of 9/11.”
You, like many people, consider the Porsche 911 to be the best-designed car of all time. Why not share that information with this perfectly pleasant officer?
“Barak Allah fik.”
This is Arabic for “God blesses you,” but the airport security guy doesn’t know that. Make sure you emphasise the “Allah” to really grab his attention.
“I have 8.5 pounds of C4 strapped to my chest and I’m holding a dead man switch.”
He’ll get the joke! Probably.