It’s official: That colleague who pronounces it “Fronce” is just the fucking worst, a new study has found.
Researchers from UCLA have discovered that people who insist on pronouncing French, Spanish, and Italian words as they would sound in their native language “can absolutely go fuck themselves.”
“After studying pretentious travel wankers for more than four years, we found a direct correlation between pronouncing foreign words correctly and getting punched in the face,” lead researcher Ann Feltcher told The Tragic Traveller.
Feltcher’s findings indicated that such people were 62% more smug, 78% less likeable, and a staggering 92% more likely to die in a bar fight than members of a randomised control group. She used the case of unashamed travel wanker Darren Burgess to illustrate her findings.
“After spending three months in ‘Fronce’ on exchange, Darren came home acting as if he were fucking Napoleon,” she said.
“Despite learning little more French than ‘Je m’appelle Darren,’ he would constantly go on about how wonderful ‘Paree’ was and what a treat it was to go skiing in ‘Lay Pyrrinay.’”
According to Feltcher, two of Darren’s friends admitted to spitting directly in his face during one of these stories. One of his coworkers has even made a habit of pissing in Darren’s coffee mug every morning.
Feltcher explained that, in many ways, people hate travel wankers more than even Neo-Nazis.
“We need to do more research to understand why we hate these people so much. But between you and me, those fuckheads just make your blood boil, don’t they? Smug pricks.”