A London office worker has today pulled off the ultimate heist, convincing her boss that she’ll be “working remotely” during her two-week trip to France. This is despite the fact that she had already made a pact to “swig Beaujolais before midday every day” with her four female travel buddies.
Using her second cousin’s destination wedding in Aix as a flimsy excuse for taking yet another holiday, having already spent all her annual leave, junior stockbroker Alicia Cunningsley had the tricky conversation with her boss this morning. It went much better than she expected.
“It’s a bit of a bummer, but the wedding is in Provence and I want to help her get everything ready,” Cunningsley told her manager, Derek, neglecting to mention that her role in organising the wedding consisted of little more than buying dildo straws for the hen’s night. “You know, family first and all that…”
Derek didn’t seem convinced. But then Cunningsley pulled out the big guns.
“I really feel more productive when I work remotely,” she said, referring to last Monday, when she binged a whole season of Friends in her underwear while halfheartedly responding to emails.
“I’ll be in touch with Jen via Slack. We will get all those reports finished,” she added. And by “we,” she meant “Jen.”
Not wanting to seem like a stick in the mud, Derek consented, reluctantly. Cunningsley kept it professional on the surface, but inside she was doing cartwheels.
“Great! I’ll be online every day from nine,” she lied, already dreaming of brie.
Approximately 35 seconds after leaving Derek’s office, Cunningsley messaged the girls’ WhatsApp group, entitled B0rdeaux Debauchery!!!
“W000, THIS BIATCH IS READY 2 PAR-TAY!!!!”