Backpacker Dermott Plinskey had prepared an array of Borat jokes before heading on a month-long trip to Kazakhstan last Thursday. But after just three days in the ex-Soviet republic, the Irishman found himself on a plane back to Dublin, having been told by the nation of 18 million people in the nicest way possible to “fuck right off.”
Plinskey’s crime? Saying “IZ NIIIIICE, I LIIIIIKE” one too many times.
“Mr Plinskey is insult glorious nation of Kazakhstan with stupid jokings from Hollywoodland!” an irate government official told media. “This man is not deserve hospitality of our peoples. We tell to him, how you say, go back where he is came from!”
Unfortunately, the official’s comically large moustache and ill-fitting cream somewhat undercut his message.
The Tragic Traveller tracked down Plinskey for a quick interview as he boarded his deportation flight. Brazenly sporting a mankini under his trenchcoat, he was completely unapologetic for his insensitive behaviour.
“Kazakhstan is number one exporter of potassium and number one deporter of me!” he said, not even trying to tone down the fake accent. Plinskey then proceeded to point at one of the air hostesses and ask “How much?”, a question that earned him a hearty and well-deserved slap.
The tables turned when the Kazakh passengers – none of whom looked remotely like Borat – reminded Plinskey that his country was the original punchline. Six hours and several thousand Irish jokes later, Plinskey was a broken man.