Brexit may force British tourists to interact with a local for once in their fucking lives

As potentially the last summer holiday as an EU member comes to a close, Britain’s tourism giants are coming to grips with the workforce crisis looming once the UK cuts the umbilical cord. With the collapse of British holiday giant Thomas Cook, the effects of Brexit are beginning to take their toll.

Thanks to the general neediness pervasive among English tourists in particular, the EU’s freedom of movement provision was vital to the industry. An entire fleet of naive southern English school-leavers were kept on payroll to act as holiday reps, bartenders, nannies, and drivers to prevent British people from freaking the fuck out whenever they had to talk to someone with a funny accent. Without the guidance of a nice clean shaven rep from Essex, tourists were known to become irritable, shouty, and withdrawn.

However, the safety net British tourists have enjoyed for decades is about to be pulled from under them.

“Because of the difficulty in obtaining work permits for UK nationals, we’ve had to fill vacancies on European resorts with local candidates,” said a recruitment expert working for TUI. “Disappointingly for many of our customers, this means most positions will be filled by bilingual Europeans. That’s right; British tourists had better get used to interacting with actual Spanish, French, or even Greek people. We’re so incredibly sorry.”

This will be a shock for many British holidaymakers, who in previous summers could go the entire fortnight without having to interact with a single non-British person at the resort.

“This is outrageous,” said English patriot Barry Smithyworth. “When I voted to leave the EU, it was so we could take back control. But now I’m expected to let some non-English Eurocrat take control of my holiday. Rest assured, I will expand on this in the Daily Mail comments section in greater detail.”

Nonetheless, there is a general consensus as to whose fault this all is. The Tragic Traveller met with the former CEO of Thonas Cook, which this month. He had this to say: “We don’t like to point fingers, but if xenophobic Little-Englanders are upset with this then tough fucking titties, it was you shitheads who got us in this mess in the first place.”

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