A 30-year-old backpacker in a dorm room full of recent high-school graduates is having a tough time trying to pretend he’s still one of the cool kids, witnesses have confirmed.
Nicholas Johnson-Winkerberg – who has refused to stop backpacking even though all the evidence suggests that he’s too old for it – has been testing out some new street lingo in the hopes that it’ll impress his fellow travellers. So far, it’s not going well.
“I’ve just been kinda sprinkling millennial buzzwords through my stories and hoping they fly,” Johnson-Winkerberg nervously admitted.
Someone asked me how my trip had been. I just panicked and said it was ‘lit AF.’ That means it’s been, like, totally radical, right?
Despite receiving nothing but lukewarm reactions to his attempts at street chat, the sad old man wasn’t ready to give up.
“Yo yo my fam, are y’all down to get crunk to-nigh-yeet??” he then said to his appalled roommates in a pretty dicey hip-hop accent. “I heard about this thicc club that’s straight fire – we gon’sta get TURNT, squad!”
By the time Johnson-Winkerberg had finished embarrassing himself, the hostel’s younger brigade had already fled. This left the 30-year-older backpacker alone to read his sci-fi novel, which is what he secretly wanted to do anyway.