After an epic tale of attraction, rejection, and eventual coalescence, 34-year-old Kiwi backpacker Trent Snorpdorff has finally found someone who can stand being around him long enough to make it through an entire date.
The long-term backpacker has been on the move for more than a decade. According to his thoroughly underwhelming Insta account, he has an “unquenchable thirst for adventure.” According to his personal diary, though, looking for a girlfriend has been priority numero uno since around 2011.
After years of denial, Trent finally admitted this when The Tragic Traveller made contact upon seeing his relationship status change. Within minutes, he’d posted several uncomfortable selfies, in which he’d tagged an Austrian girl named Sophie.
“I’m just so happy to have found my soulmate, even if it took me 14 years and 109 countries,” an elated Trent confided to The Tragic Traveller. “I’ve only known Sophie for a week, but I can’t already tell that she completes me.”
“I love the way she actually comes back after going to the bathroom, instead of sneaking out of the restaurant then deleting her Tinder profile. It’s a refreshing change from the last 41 girls I’ve been out with.”
The Tragic Traveller managed to track Sophie down. She seemed concerned that Trent is taking things much more seriously than she is.
“Oh man, I knew he’d be a clinger!” an exasperated Sophie said. “We’ve been on like two dates. I mean he’s kinda sweet, but fuck, he drones on about the most mind-numbing things. I never knew travel could be so boring until I met this guy.”
Despite that, Sophie said she’d have felt weird not catching up with him again after he dressed up in his best T-shirt and zip-off pants on their first date.
“The poor guy made such an effort. He paid for everything and said it was the best fun he’d had in years. Turning him down would’ve been like slapping a puppy.”
However, this all changed after Sophie uncovered a piece of scandalous information about Trent.
“Wait, did you say his surname was Snorpdorff? Seriously? That is officially too much for me – I’m out.”