The Extinction Rebellion phenomenon has swept the world, but nowhere has the movement gained as much publicity as in central London. According to one New Yorker, the protesters can fuck right off, despite the fact they’re campaigning to stop his own city becoming the next Venice.
“Damn these hippies to Hell!” screamed Rudy, a loud-mouthed American tourist whose ground-floor apartment in Lower Manhattan will be a swimming pool before too long. “I didn’t pay five thousand bucks to fly across the ocean and watch a bunch of unemployed millennials chanting in front of the London Eye. I got photos to take!”
Although New York City will be one of the first major metropolises to feel the effects of climate change, Rudy couldn’t give a fuck. The Trump-voting Wall Street banker likes his coffee black, his burgers supersize, and his tourist attractions free from vocal lefties warning us that the death of mankind will soon be upon us if we don’t take action immediately.
“Climate change is fake news, you cucks!” Rudy screamed across the square. “Get a job, the lot of you!” He proceeded to spend 20 minutes listing Alex Jones-approved sources that refute the existence of man-made climate change.
During the time it took Rudy to complete his rant against the Extinction Rebellion protesters, New York City had sunk a quarter of an inch.