Travel blogger expecting the money to start coming in any day now

A travel blogger who’s been writing consistently for a year could really do with making some fucking money from all this work, sources have confirmed.

Nicholas Johnson-Winkerberg – the creative genius behind a satirical travel blog that regularly gets up to eight likes a day on Facebook – has poured his heart and soul into 200 articles over the past 12 months. Now he reckons it’s about time to start turning a profit. 

“These things take a while,” said Johnson-Winkerberg, who was wearing a soiled hoody he’d almost certainly found in a nearby dumpster. “And by a while, I mean exactly one year. I’m expecting the first cheque to arrive any day now.”

When asked exactly where that money was supposed to come from, Johnson-Winkerberg – who clearly hadn’t eaten for several days – got defensive. 

“Hey man, I don’t make the rules. All I know is that you have to play the long game as a travel blogger. I assume that, after a certain amount of time, people just start sending you cash. That’s how it works, right? Please tell me that’s how it works.” 

The interview was interrupted as Johnson-Winkerberg received an international call on his second-hand Nokia 3310.

“Yes Dad, I’m fine. No, I already told you, travel blogging IS a real job! I’m making… enough. I don’t need your stupid money.”

He then pointed to his phone and made the “crazy” signal in a failed attempt to laugh off the shame.

“I can’t believe you’d even offer me that haha. I’m 30 now – I can support myself!”

Johnson-Winkerberg pretended to hang up, but when he thought nobody was looking, he continued the conversation in an urgent tone.

“Seriously though, please send me whatever you can RIGHT NOW. So hungry…”