“No regrets” tattoo regretted instantly

Ever since he was 15, Darren has wanted a tattoo. Now, the 24-year-old plumber from Ipswich has fulfilled his teenage dream in a dingy parlour in Bali. Unfortunately, it hasn’t gone according to plan.

If Darren hadn’t consumed 12 “happy buckets” at his Kuta Beach hostel before getting tattooed, he might have noticed the tattoo artist’s contagious-looking skin condition and the blood spattered all over the parlour’s walls. Darren might even have asked the Balinese bloke to give his needle a quick rinse after he finished that Parramatta sparky’s sleeve. But it’s not that weird rash and those sharp, shooting pains that are keeping him up at night.

For Darren, the bigger concern is that he now looks like an absolute tosser.

“Yeah, turns out I now have “No regerts” tattooed on me left elbow. That’s not ideal,” Darren told The Tragic Traveller.

In his intoxicated state, Darren not only misspelled the word; he also managed to choose the douchiest design possible.

“To be honest, I didn’t even notice the spelling mistake until some bird I was chatting up pointed it out. I was more concerned about the shitty font and the fact that it’s still red and lumpy two weeks later. I’m worried that I might not look as much like an irresistible pussy magnet as I was hoping to.

Turns out I really do regert – sorry, regret – getting this tattoo.

At publication time, Darren had just received some positive news from his doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor had said the word “positive” directly after “HIV”…