It’s 10:30 pm at the BDB Hostel in Hainan, China, and the situation is starting to get very tense. Three very normal and well-socialized Canadian backpackers have, after somehow acquiring an American football, started throwing it to each other over the heads of other people who were just chilling in the outside common area. The ball has reportedly skimmed very closely to a high stakes game of Shithead and almost knocked over a pot being used as an ashtray.
After some research, The Tragic Traveller has come up with a clear timeline. Around 4 pm, the three shared a bottle of Jagermeister in the middle of the street in broad daylight. Feeling merry, they decided to make use of the football Brett had bought from an open-air market a few days earlier. After breaking a window, the three fled the scene with the football in hand and took refuge in the hostel. Bored again, they started passing the ball, with no real goal in mind, to each other at reception — where the manager was quick to tell them to “fuck off.” With no other options, they came upon the outside smoking area, which, packed to the brim, was ideal for a bit of the old “pass the ball over groups of total strangers.”
Bystanders were reportedly quietly frustrated at first, but assumed that the trio would get bored and start having a few beers like normal people. However, 15 minutes later the atmosphere had turned to outright resentment as their North American giggles and thrill at almost hitting people in the face had removed the benefit of the doubt.
When other people told them to stop acting like high school jocks in a 1997 rom-com, the three told their roomies to “chill out,” and that “everyone is allowed to use the common area,” and people who have a problem with them trying to alpha everyone into leaving need to “stop being a killjoy and find somewhere else to smoke your joint, brah.”
Our source within the hostel has confirmed that the football has just hit a very big Finnish unit, who is about to have a not-so-friendly chat with the three morons.