Travel wanker went to Wuhan “before it was famous”

Your hostel’s obligatory travel wanker wants you to know he visited Wuhan way before any of this coronavirus kerfuffle

Randall, a 28-year-old “citizen of the world,” apparently travelled to the city of 11 million people in 2014. He doesn’t have any photographic proof of the trip because he’s “not a like-thirsty Instagram whore,” but the fact that he’s mentioned it at least eight times today – unprompted – suggests that it’s probably true. 

Apparently Randall chose to visit Wuhan because “Beijing and Shanghai were too touristy” and he “wanted to get a sense of what the real south-central inland working-class Chinese lifestyle is like.” Which is code for “I had a 20-hour stopover on my bus trip to see the Terracotta Warriors.”

“It’s such a shame, you know,” Randall told the common room at large in his breathy, annoyingly neutral accent. “Like I met all these amazing people in Wuhan. I hope they’re not, you know, dead from bird flu or whatever.”

He then preceded to rattle off a list of vaguely Chinese-sounding words that could well be the names of people he’d met. But hey, what would you know?

When he realised none of the girls in the common room were taking him seriously, the travel wanker let out a couple of coronavirus-like coughs just to keep people’s attention. 

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